So that was Christmas. I have weathered the storm yet again, the waters are calm and the sun is starting to shine once more. The days between Christmas and New Year are usually the time when I start thinking about the year ahead and try to forget about what has been.
The saying 'it has to get worse before it gets better' has certainly been true of this year. After the disaster that was 2014, perhaps it was naive of me to think that things would improve just because the date clicked over. Apart from fulfilling one ambition (to travel to the south of France by train) and adding two gorgeous kitty cats to my household, 2015 is largely forgettable. I have cried a lot, argued with people I love, been beaten up (metaphorically and literally), and have felt like giving up on more than one occasion. Rock bottom is not a fun place to be - your emotions are hanging by a thread and your life seems to be spiralling out of control.
I have, however, made a few breakthroughs. I am learning not to be so hard on myself: if I want to stay in my pyjamas all day, I will. If I want to have another coffee, I do. I am trying to be more up front and honest with myself and others. It's ok to say 'no, I'm not ok' when someone asks. It's ok to say 'I don't want to' if I don't want to do something. I don't need to make excuses.
My aim in 2016 is to just be me and not hide behind some shiny, rose-tinted façade for the sake of keeping up appearances on social media. Projecting the image of a 'perfect' life with yet another Instagrammed shot of a frothy latte when the reality is that I'm sitting in a corner alone, quietly weeping in to said latte, is far too stressful and only adds to the misery.
It's time to get real. #nofilter.